Know your risk
Domestic abuse can be deadly — even if your partner has never hurt you before.
There are red flags that can tell you if you’re at higher risk.
You are more likely to be seriously hurt or killed if your partner:
threatens to kill you
doesn’t have a job
chokes you
has a gun
is jealous and/or controlling
has tried to kill themselves
follows you, spies on you or leaves threatening messages for you
has threatened you with a weapon
You are also more likely to be hurt or killed if you:
have a child with someone else
have tried to leave the relationship before
believe that your partner could kill you
have tried to kill yourself
There are many other red flags for homicide. We can help you determine your risk level.
Call (414) 933-2722 and ask for a confidential lethality or danger assessment. Our Advocates are available 24/7 to help you.
What can I do?
Talk to someone about your experiences in your relationship. Being isolated increases your risk.
People who reach out for help are more likely to survive, even if they remain in their relationship.
Sojourner can help
When you call Sojourner, we will not tell you what to do — your decisions are your own.
We will:
keep your information confidential
listen
not judge
help you understand what your options are
help assess your danger and discuss safety planning
support you as you decide what is best for you
talk about ways to be safer
make sure you know about resources you might need
If you don’t call Sojourner, please find help elsewhere.
When to call the police
In case of an emergency, call 911.
If they threaten to kill you, believe them.
Sojourner Advocates can help you work with law enforcement to stay safe and understand your rights.
Other places to seek help
Domestic violence impacts people of all races, creeds, genders, zip codes and economic statuses.
You have many options when seeking help.
Consider contacting a trusted friend, a local faith-based organization or visit We Are Here MKE for information about culturally specific resources throughout Milwaukee.
If you are outside of the Milwaukee area, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline to find help near you.
National Domestic Violence Hotline
(800) 799-SAFE (7233)
TTY: (800) 787-3224
thehotline.org
For family and friends
You cannot force someone you love to get help. You can:
tell them you’re worried
ask how you can help
tell them they don’t deserve to be abused
offer to watch children while someone reaches out for help
send them the link to this page
encourage them to talk with someone who can help, even if they don’t want to talk with you
call police if someone is in immediate danger
It is not helpful (or safe) to:
confront or threaten their abusive partner
give an ultimatum
tell someone to “just leave”
Tell someone
In the U.S., at least 1/3 of domestic violence-related murders had no reported history of physical abuse.
Domestic violence-related homicide victims are often isolated from friends and family, contributing to surprise or suddenness expressed by others.
“I had no idea anything was wrong.”
It is not uncommon for the homicide to be the first, only, and last act of physical abuse.
If you are hurting someone
If you have harmed – or are afraid you might harm – your partner or your family, please seek help. It is never OK to hurt others. Ask yourself the following; do I…
Hit, slap, push, pull hair or choke my partner?
Often feel jealous?
Believe I have the right to know what my partner is doing and where they are at all times?
Call or text my partner constantly and get mad if they don’t respond?
Enjoy seeing my partner in pain, crying or hurt?
Break or destroy my partner’s belongings?
Feel afraid of asking for help because I might lose everything that’s important to me?
Think about “getting even” with my partner?
Twist things around, lie or exaggerate to make my partner doubt their thoughts or feelings?
If you answered yes to any of the questions above, it’s important to get help. Addressing the cause of your behavior will take time, but if you want a healthy relationship, you need to make the commitment.
Alma Center
The Alma Center works to heal, transform and address the unresolved pain of trauma that fuels the continuation of cycles of violence, abuse and dysfunction in families and communities.
They work primarily with men at-risk or those involved in the criminal justice system, with a particular focus on men who have a history of domestic violence. Learn more at almacenter.org.
About Sojourner
Sojourner is the largest nonprofit provider of domestic violence prevention and intervention services in Wisconsin.
Our 53-bed shelter provides safe and stable crisis housing. On-site Advocates walk with survivors on their journey of healing and rebuilding their lives.
We offer support to survivors as they file police reports and restraining orders and connect them with needed services and resources.
Within our innovative Family Peace Center building, survivors can easily access legal, healthcare and social services provided by 13 community partners, including the Milwaukee Police Department, Children’s Wisconsin and Milwaukee Public Schools — all located together under one roof.
Sojourner is a place of refuge, respite, healing and hope.
Follow @SojournerMKE
Sojourner thanks Dr. Jacqueline Campbell and the Maryland Network Against Domestic Violence for the opportunities to receive training on the use of the Danger Assessment and Lethality Assessment Program. We share their commitment to saving more lives from domestic violence.