You can help by following these important and sometimes difficult tips:

• Be there to listen
• Believe them
• Allow them to make their own decisions and choices
• Support their decisions and choices even if you would not do the same thing
• Keep conversations private and confidential
• Call them just to talk or to make sure they are safe
• Create a code word/phrase so that you can ask if they are safe without anyone knowing what you’re really asking (Example: If you ask, “Did I leave my red sweater at your house?” and the answer is no that means, “I need help/police.”)
• Offer to assist with childcare, transportation, housekeeping, cooking, etc. (when help is needed)
• If your home is a safe place, allow them to keep important documents/items there (money, birth certificates, evidence of abuse, etc.) so that they do not get damaged/taken
• Keep important phone numbers handy (shelters, police, crisis lines, etc.)
• Avoid being judgmental or critical of the choices and decisions they make
• Provide an unused cell phone so that they can call 911 for help if needed
• Emphasize how much you care about them
• Encourage them
• Educate yourself about family violence
• Ask an advocate for a reading list or go to timetospeakup.org for more information. Resist the abuser’s attempts to “blame the victim” or justify the violence.
• Encourage the abuser to take responsibility and seek help for their abusive behavior

These tools may help create an environment that allows victims to feel secure, stable and confident in their decisions and in themselves.